Ten things
Aug. 26th, 2011 08:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tiemlordFeels weird to be doing something like this, but if you insist...
1. Time Travel isn't as much fun as I was expecting it would be. Like, some of it is really great, and I've seen some amazing things, but I don't think I'm the right sort of person to have time travelling abilities. I mostly use it to revisit old memories. I can't help it. I'm drawn to them and can't let go. I think I miss being human.
Maybe I just miss knowing one day I'll die. One day it'll all be over and I'll go on to rest. I won't have to carry around all those bad memories anymore. But not now. I just keep on living, and those bad memories just keep getting worse. It scares me to admit how often I've thought about wanting to die. I'd say I was depressed, but, well, can a being like me even get depressed? Or is it just some weird hangover from being human? Amun tries his best to counsel me, he's lived this way for millenia, but somehow it still feels impossible to escape from these torments.
2. I used to be human. I don't know what I am now. I still look human though. I think I'd go mad if I didn't look human. It's strangely comforting to look like I used to. I still feel like I'm myself. I can still pretend I'm human.
3. Some people think I'm a god. I don't know. Maybe I am. I try not to call myself that. I have enough of an ego problem without claiming to be divine. It sends my mind into a spin, trying to process that word. God. Divine being. It's all a bit too much. I try to remember that I used to be human. It helps a little.
I can create universes. I can feel people praying to me, invoking my name as if I can intercede. It's a very strange sensation. I don't always answer them all. It took me a long time to think I was powerful enough to answer them. I try to help them all, but I can't do everything. I tried. I went about giving them all whatever it was they wanted. I just wanted to make them happy. But Amun persuaded me to stop doing it. It set the bar too high. So I had to stop. I could still hear their prayers, and it pained me to have to ignore them, or make them wait a while. I just wanted them all to be happy. Maybe I was never cut out to be a god.
4. I really don't have a great sense of time anymore. Mostly because I can see all of time and space before me and travel wherever I like. I'm not moving in a linear timeline anymore. I'm everything and everywhere and nothing all at the same time.
Conceptions of time are really, really hard to comprehend at this level. I am sometimes aware of the linear passage of time, it feels like a slow heartbeat reverberating throughout the cosmos, but I meet up with it at different points. Sometimes it's beating faster. Sometimes slower. Sometimes it's been knocked off time for a while. But it's background for me. That slow heartbeat, constantly ticking away at the back of my mind. I'm not always conscious of it because I'm more concerned about the current timeline I'm in. Sometimes I think it misses me.
5. I don't actually need a vehicle to travel. I can transport myself wherever I like just by thinking it. I'm connected to the whole cosmos, through that great empty sheet of spacetime. Just being connected to that allows me to go wherever I please.
But I used to be human. So I mostly travel around in my spaceship. The old one, the first version. Not that weird grey metallic one. I definitely wasn't thinking when I came up with that one. I mean, it's functional, it does the job, but it's not as homey as that first one.
She's a lovely ship. She's a bit like the TARDIS, but not quite the same thing. She's been with me for a very long time now, and I'd miss her if she wasn't with me. She stops me getting too lonely out there in the darkness of space. Sometimes I think she's alive. Sometimes I think I've just gone mad from being alone too much.
6. That's another thing. Space is very bloody lonely. There's nothing for millions of lightyears. Just this cold dark space. Almost nothingness, but not quite. There are pinpricks of light from distant stars, but that's usually all the life you ever see. Everything is isolated. If it wasn't for the darkness of the cosmos connecting everything together, I'm sure I'd never see anyone else at all.
7. I don't think I remember how to be human anymore. I've tried, but I can't close the distance. I've seen too much of the cosmos to squeeze myself back into a tiny mortal body. It's such a fragile thing, the human body. It couldn't contain what I am now. Whatever that is. I'm still not really sure.
8. I've had a few great loves in my life. But they were all mortals. Humans. They die so quickly, while I live on and on and on...
I hold their names close to my heart. It's all I can do, really, even though they weren't all happy relationships. I've never visited their graves either. I couldn't abide that. It'd make their deaths seem far more real than they are now. I can go back and see them now. I can pretend things are still alright.
9. I still don't regret creating that little universe. I made my own Shangri-La. It was the most peaceful time I've had since I got me powers. I miss it so much. I miss all my friends. But I'd do it again if it meant I could be happy again. I was never sad there. I had my friends, and there was music everywhere. How could you not be happy in a place like that?
10. Never, ever, go and see the Big Bang. That did my head in. I don't think I've been sane since. It's like. I can't even describe it. It's incomprehensible in its majesty and terror. We weren't ever meant to see that. Me mind can't cope with that.
[ooc]Mun is pleased Jeff managed to get a little more wordy than I had anticipated, considering he wasn't feeling too pleased at having to do this challenge. And yes, I insisted he use this icon. For teh lulz. :D /need moar excuses to use that icon.[/ooc]
Muse: Jeff Lynne
Fandom: Electric Light Orchestra RPS
Word Count: 1079
Disclaimer: Not true in any way, shape or form. Original universe belongs to the mun.
1. Time Travel isn't as much fun as I was expecting it would be. Like, some of it is really great, and I've seen some amazing things, but I don't think I'm the right sort of person to have time travelling abilities. I mostly use it to revisit old memories. I can't help it. I'm drawn to them and can't let go. I think I miss being human.
Maybe I just miss knowing one day I'll die. One day it'll all be over and I'll go on to rest. I won't have to carry around all those bad memories anymore. But not now. I just keep on living, and those bad memories just keep getting worse. It scares me to admit how often I've thought about wanting to die. I'd say I was depressed, but, well, can a being like me even get depressed? Or is it just some weird hangover from being human? Amun tries his best to counsel me, he's lived this way for millenia, but somehow it still feels impossible to escape from these torments.
2. I used to be human. I don't know what I am now. I still look human though. I think I'd go mad if I didn't look human. It's strangely comforting to look like I used to. I still feel like I'm myself. I can still pretend I'm human.
3. Some people think I'm a god. I don't know. Maybe I am. I try not to call myself that. I have enough of an ego problem without claiming to be divine. It sends my mind into a spin, trying to process that word. God. Divine being. It's all a bit too much. I try to remember that I used to be human. It helps a little.
I can create universes. I can feel people praying to me, invoking my name as if I can intercede. It's a very strange sensation. I don't always answer them all. It took me a long time to think I was powerful enough to answer them. I try to help them all, but I can't do everything. I tried. I went about giving them all whatever it was they wanted. I just wanted to make them happy. But Amun persuaded me to stop doing it. It set the bar too high. So I had to stop. I could still hear their prayers, and it pained me to have to ignore them, or make them wait a while. I just wanted them all to be happy. Maybe I was never cut out to be a god.
4. I really don't have a great sense of time anymore. Mostly because I can see all of time and space before me and travel wherever I like. I'm not moving in a linear timeline anymore. I'm everything and everywhere and nothing all at the same time.
Conceptions of time are really, really hard to comprehend at this level. I am sometimes aware of the linear passage of time, it feels like a slow heartbeat reverberating throughout the cosmos, but I meet up with it at different points. Sometimes it's beating faster. Sometimes slower. Sometimes it's been knocked off time for a while. But it's background for me. That slow heartbeat, constantly ticking away at the back of my mind. I'm not always conscious of it because I'm more concerned about the current timeline I'm in. Sometimes I think it misses me.
5. I don't actually need a vehicle to travel. I can transport myself wherever I like just by thinking it. I'm connected to the whole cosmos, through that great empty sheet of spacetime. Just being connected to that allows me to go wherever I please.
But I used to be human. So I mostly travel around in my spaceship. The old one, the first version. Not that weird grey metallic one. I definitely wasn't thinking when I came up with that one. I mean, it's functional, it does the job, but it's not as homey as that first one.
She's a lovely ship. She's a bit like the TARDIS, but not quite the same thing. She's been with me for a very long time now, and I'd miss her if she wasn't with me. She stops me getting too lonely out there in the darkness of space. Sometimes I think she's alive. Sometimes I think I've just gone mad from being alone too much.
6. That's another thing. Space is very bloody lonely. There's nothing for millions of lightyears. Just this cold dark space. Almost nothingness, but not quite. There are pinpricks of light from distant stars, but that's usually all the life you ever see. Everything is isolated. If it wasn't for the darkness of the cosmos connecting everything together, I'm sure I'd never see anyone else at all.
7. I don't think I remember how to be human anymore. I've tried, but I can't close the distance. I've seen too much of the cosmos to squeeze myself back into a tiny mortal body. It's such a fragile thing, the human body. It couldn't contain what I am now. Whatever that is. I'm still not really sure.
8. I've had a few great loves in my life. But they were all mortals. Humans. They die so quickly, while I live on and on and on...
I hold their names close to my heart. It's all I can do, really, even though they weren't all happy relationships. I've never visited their graves either. I couldn't abide that. It'd make their deaths seem far more real than they are now. I can go back and see them now. I can pretend things are still alright.
9. I still don't regret creating that little universe. I made my own Shangri-La. It was the most peaceful time I've had since I got me powers. I miss it so much. I miss all my friends. But I'd do it again if it meant I could be happy again. I was never sad there. I had my friends, and there was music everywhere. How could you not be happy in a place like that?
10. Never, ever, go and see the Big Bang. That did my head in. I don't think I've been sane since. It's like. I can't even describe it. It's incomprehensible in its majesty and terror. We weren't ever meant to see that. Me mind can't cope with that.
[ooc]Mun is pleased Jeff managed to get a little more wordy than I had anticipated, considering he wasn't feeling too pleased at having to do this challenge. And yes, I insisted he use this icon. For teh lulz. :D /need moar excuses to use that icon.[/ooc]
Muse: Jeff Lynne
Fandom: Electric Light Orchestra RPS
Word Count: 1079
Disclaimer: Not true in any way, shape or form. Original universe belongs to the mun.